Unfortunately, the feelings you are having about your body are common to American women, with or without extra poundage. We seem to feel that what we have been endowed with is too large, too small, or just the wrong shape. I assume you have a silent, self-critical commentary going when you take your clothes off. Consider deliberately choosing more positive descriptions, like "ripe, luscious, womanly." Sex is more about emotion, connection and sensation than it is about surface appearances. It also takes time and priority, if you want the encounters to have any quality or variety. You may both work full time and feel that you are too tired, but having a good sexual connection may actually energize you and help both of you feel better. In addition, if you plan on having kids later, this period of time will seem leisurely in retrospect!

If you can't calm down your self-critical voices, you might consider seeing a therapist to see what the underpinnings are. Sometimes repressed anger expresses itself in overeating or in negative self-talk. It would be great if there was a way to work this out so that it doesn't get in the way of your loving relationship

, First of all, I'd like to suggest that you be patient and persistent about trying new things gradually. Pick one new sexual activity at a time, and give yourself some time to see if you like it or not. Unfamiliar behaviors can feel very awkward the first five or six times you try them. Later on, when you are more relaxed and matter-of-fact, it will be easier to see if the behavior is pleasing or not. (Obviously, if you are repelled by something or if it hurts, this isn't something you should try more than once!) It could take time to overcome shyness, so the new behavior could be something as simple as getting comfortable with nudity. Being comfortable with each other and with yourself is an essential part of being relaxed enough to be creative. You and your husband are very young, and you have been married for only three months, so you have lots of time to cultivate an enjoyable sex life. If your husband is patient and loving with you, your own preferences can develop and unfold in a safe relationship. This is crucial to your becoming more experimental and less shy about sex. He will also need to adjust his wishes to blend with yours. (Not all people are as experimental as others, in the bedroom as well as in the kitchen!) Good luck-

I can make some guesses for you about what is going on, but without more of a context for your difficulty, I can't be sure. Perhaps you have some negative feelings about masturbation that are interfering with your excitement the next day. (I am making this guess because I am assuming that if you have an orgasm from sexual intercourse, you do NOT have trouble maintaining an erection the next day.) Anxiety, guilt or self-consciousness all cause a man to lose his erection. Worrying about whether or not an erection will last usually has the effect of temporarily chasing away the erection. This could happen with or without masturbation the day before. It is normal for erections to come and go during the course of a sexual experience, depending upon the duration of the encounter, the man's age and health, and the man's frame of mind. If you are convinced that the only way to satisfy your partner is for you to have a continuous erection, this makes for a lot of unnecessary psychological pressure. Much of sexual excitement is related to closeness, communication and touch. Luckily, all of this is possible with or without an erection. If you could believe this and have some experience finding out that it is true, your difficulty with maintaining erections would most likely go away!

My first tip would be that it often takes time for a couple to figure out how to please each other sexually. Woman certainly have orgasms, but usually not as promptly or as easily as men do. You and your girlfriend need to think of this as a beginning, and aim for good communication, trying a variety of kinds of touch, and having a sense of humor. To use the food metaphor, try a little of this and a little of that, and see what tastes good. Neither of you needs performance pressure about orgasm right away when you first get started. The most important thing is that you have a positive experience together, and feel friendly and close. Your girlfriend would be the best one to give you tips about what feels good to her and what excites her. She may need time and patience to figure this out, or with luck, her preferences may be apparent early on.