"Many people want their relationship to be better in that area, but don't know what to do about it. Often it appears one partner has lost interest or isn't taking the time the other partner wants or needs. This program helps each one to see that everyone has different tastes. And just as you wouldn't have an argument in a restaurant over what the other person chooses from the menu, neither should you in bed. You wouldn't call a partner who doesn't want dessert stupid or inept, just as you shouldn't if that partner's choices in bed don't match yours. "

Hubbard believes that these differences should be accepted and open to interpretation and compromises. "For example, women usually need appetizers as an introduction to the sexual meal, whereas men generally are happy with the entree being served right away," she says.

"When one thinks of the differences in that way, no one is deficient, no one is crude and no one is wrong. People simply have different tastes and appetites that need to be respected and negotiated."

To illustrate the concept, Hubbard has broken down the program into four parts: Taking Stock; Sweet and Savory; Expanding the Menu and Blessing the Meal. Each section is designed to strengthen a relationship by discussing how clashing expectations, lack of attention, poor communication, concerns about body image and the differences between the sexes can cause problems.

Taking Stock starts both partners looking at the reality of their situation. "You look at how things are and your perception of the relationship," Hubbard says. "It's like taking stock of your larder- you want to see what you've got on hand or what you're lacking."

"This is the time to look at expanding the pantry. There has to be enough on it to suit both tastes." In this section, Hubbard encourages each partner to try to get into the other person's head and imagine how he or she feels about sex in regard to the relationship mentally, emotionally and physically. This exchange leads to a deeper awareness of each other. "It's not about agreeing or disagreeing," Hubbard says. "It's like asking, 'Do you like chili?' I might reply, 'Yes, I do, but not with onions.' Gradually, you come to understand what the other person likes and does not like."

Sweet and Savory underlines the disparities between the sexes. "There are very substantial differences between men and women," Hubbard says. "There's a lot more than meets the eye. In this section you discover the different tastes and the ways to use that to your advantage. The differences may be there, but they are good differences and can be used to complement each other."

Expanding the Menu offers a look at what couples can do to make their sex lives more interesting and enjoyable. Hubbard says this is the time to discover what each person wants to have on the menu. "Appetizers are good," she says. "That's when a romantic mood is created. Women love appetizers and many men love them, too. It's just that they (men) don't need them. Then you come to soup and salad. These are all the things people do to put themselves in the mood for sex- smooching, touching, walking hand-in-hand."

The entree part of the menu is examined in several ways, Hubbard says. "You can look at the variety of the act itself, for instance. Think chicken. You can prepare it in many ways. Or you can look at the entree as you would different moods: loving, playful, perfunctory. It's like the variety in cuisine- Mexican, Italian, Chinese. The more you can bring to the menu, the more it opens up a window of opportunity for enjoyment. "

Hubbard says the entree department may offer a break from a stale relationship. "With the entree, things are never just one way," she says. "It's a chance to be wild and exciting and open to the unexplored. Some will find that they enjoy a taste of something unusual. Others don't want that; they'd rather stick with chicken and stay away from the squid. In this way they shouldn't be pushed, but if the menu is presented right, they maybe willing to expand."

The Blessing the Meal section comes from "the notion that some gratitude for what is given is appropriate," Hubbard says. "This is the time to be thankful for and show respect for who and what we are." Hubbard has been working on the program for almost two years. "The idea has been in the back of my mind for a long time," she says. "It's fun and it's a wonderful way to bring back that sense of romance and caring. "

Hubbard presented the program in a workshop last month that gave her an opportunity to see how men and women reacted. "It was non-threatening and actually fun, " she said. "I watched one man who told his wife he could hardly wait to go home and work on their menu."

The program extends an invitation for men and women to learn what makes each other tick, Hubbard says. "For instance, the sexual connection is what makes men feel loved. For women it's the verbal, the emotional connection. If either one lets that part go, the relationship suffers. But if each is aware of what the other needs, the relationship is stronger and definitely more enjoyable."

The meeting of the minds and the bodies doesn't always have to create fireworks to be successful, Hubbard says. There's room for all kinds of romance.

"Even if you're going out to a restaurant, you don't always want to go to the Flagstaff House, " she says. "You may be in the mood for McDonald's, and that's perfect for the moment. The idea is that you learn how to compromise so that each partner gets what's needed even if those needs are different. "

Our culture dictates that romance and sex should happen often and spontaneously, Hubbard says. "But that isn't always what happens. Some lucky people make their sex life a priority at all times," she says. "Others may have at one time, but then they drift away and become busy with work and family and other concerns. "That's when they need to take stock of what has happened and plan to make it a priority again. It's like being able to cook- if you don't buy anything to prepare that you really like, you have nothing."

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