Spicing Up Your Sex Life:
A Tasteful Guide for Ordinary People.
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This is a workbook designed to convey useful concepts in plain English. It supplies you with written and relational exercises to do with your partner, as well as explanatory text. |
And now, I would like to serve you some appetizers from the book:
Problematic Myths:
Many people believe that if two people love each other, sex will take care of itself. This is a problematic myth. It's a little like saying that if two people love each other and are hungry, dinner will cook itself. Many questions arise immediately. What time is dinner? What is being served? Are the quantities sufficient or excessive, and according to whose standards? Who's going to shop for the ingredients? What if one person is hungry and the other one is not? Who's going to do the cooking? Most likely, if these questions aren't effectively addressed, no one will die of starvation. People can find a way to get basic sustenance, with or without doilies and butter knives. But the quality of the experience, either culinary or sexual, may not be very good.
Let's apply the same set of questions to sex. When will sex occur? What activities will be on the agenda? Is the frequency and/or duration sufficient or excessive, and according to whose standards? Who is going to supply the energy and/or creativity? What if one person is desirous and the other one is not? Who will be the more active partner? None of these questions are about love, they relate more to sharing preference and sharing responsibility. If these questions aren't effectively addressed, most likely there will be a sex life of some sort, but the quality of the experience will reflect the lack of communication and effort. Even if two people love each other, sex will not necessarily take care of itself.
The "Good Enough" Sex Life:
"Good enough" means that both people feel their sex life is in reasonable working order, that it provides dependable satisfaction and closeness, and that it sustains them for years without major or unsolvable complaints. There are sexual high points and low points over long periods of time, but the prevailing emotions about sexuality are positive ones. There is always room for ecstasy, but it is not required as daily fare.
About
Feeling Sexy:
Compare the cultivation of sexy feelings to the anticipation of a good meal. Do you feel an appetite ahead of time? Do you have an interest in maximizing that appetite, so that the meal will be more satisfying and delicious when you finally eat it? Feeling sexy is analogous to the mental state in which you can practically smell and taste the food and your mouth begins to water. A couple can certainly have sex without fantasizing ahead of time and without either person feeling sexy, but the experience is enhanced by positive anticipation. Sexy feelings are a way of anticipating and savoring an intimate encounter with another person. They are also a way of feeling good about yourself.
Buying this book would be a good idea.
At worst, you will probably find it interesting. At best, you can use
it as a tool (no pun intended) for changing your sex life and improving
your relationship with your partner. As with any program that is intended
to deepen understanding and modify habits, repetition and patience is
helpful. Reading the book more than once and working with the exercises
slowly and thoroughly will afford you the greatest benefit.
As stated in the introduction, "I have written this book with Every man and Every woman in mind. I am thinking of those with inhibiting backgrounds, average backgrounds and sexually enlightened backgrounds. I have in mind couples struggling with initiation and/or communication, couples stuck in stale, boring sexual routines, and couples distracted from sex by the pressures of job and family. This work is intended to benefit people who would like to enliven their sexual connection without necessarily going into therapy or swinging from the proverbial chandelier. It is for people who would enjoy ecstatic experiences if they came along but are looking primarily for wholesome, nourishing, bread-and-butter behaviors that will sustain them sexually, year after year. Self-improvement books can be useful, but they sometimes describe goals so elevated that readers give up before they begin. My goal is to help you set your own goals and to offer you some practical guidance about how to achieve them."
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"Spicing Up Your Sex Life:
To order:
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